I was 15, and one silly night I met this boy. He was shy, but something about him made me pursue more and more everyday to get to know him. I fell in love with that something and eventually, everything about him. The way he walked, the way he kissed me, the way he talked. We grew together and we…
well, my life will forever change, i dont really know how im supposed to feel right now being this is not something i could ever get used of, i cant begin to explain how much i love her…and how its going to kill me on the inside when she moves on, what can i say i spent nearly 3 years and the 3 most defining years of my life…highschool… it wouldnt be as painful if thier was other things in my life that mattered but when your life consists of pleasing her…and sitting behind a computer doing really nothing since i have no attention span and i cant focus, making learning impossible…the best part is i only learn when i break something….well i broke something…and ive learned alot..i gave her my heart and soul…i practically lived for her…i praised the ground she walked on and all i ever wanted was her to apprieciate what i did for her…i may be a lazy stupid fuck….but i im also stubborn and i would make damn sure i could do whatever i could to make her happy….ive done alot of things over the past few years to make it by….some things i regret doing…some i dont know how to understand them but it took almost 3 years to learn this…if things get so bad you think it can only get better…WRONG…its going to get worse…so now im sitting here at my computer wondering to myself….what crucial event did i fuck up so miserably that my life turned out so bad…see i could handle one thing at a time….but over the past fuckin week ive had more shit dropped on me then most people should have to deal with and anyone who can relate to that i feel sorry for em…if i even had a clue on what to do with myself anymore….id at least have a place to start…i think its all just so fucked up….i dont know what to do anymore….if only i had it in me to be a heartless asshole…life would probably be easy…cant get any less fulfilling then what i got….i do nothing but eat sleep and smoke and sit behind a computer…im a loser….at least now i understand the term “Fight or Flight”. I cant wait to see what is worst that this….oh i already know the answer…my best friend is leaving this summer because he is sucessful and i am not…he is going off to college and i am short 4 math credits because i took the wrong math and 8 coop credits and 1 english….why am i still bothering with trying…it only makes it harder…well now time to go waste my life away some more because im to lazy to deal with how sore my body is, i can barely walk :( and my heart broken…ive always had a fear of heights but flying doesnt seem so bad anymore…if this seems messy and all over the place i dont give a dead mooses last shit..its 1am…im tired and sore…i dont care about nothing right now….
well, one the worst possible things that could have happened to my did, my girlfriend, my partner and best friend (kinda) broke up with me. im not gonna say that i fully understand why, but then again im going to try to make the best of this she said she needs to for self-discovery or however you would put it but whatever the reason, im still without love in my life. i sit here and think and i know that its my fault.
My Journey of quitting smoking.
I am am an 18 year old male, ive been smoking for around 4-5 years. last week (ive made it a week) i decided to quit smoking…i attended a stop smoking meeting done by the Center for Addictions and Mental Health (CAMH) and the Local Health Unit to test the effectiveness of NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) in Ontario smokers.I recived 5 weeks of nicotene patches…and guess what…i cant use em…they cause this horrid muscle pain in my arms…ANYWHORE…i also recived a bunch of little books and knick knacks and stuff to help me quit thiers this little green bendy snake-like thing my girlfriend likes to hit me with it and its actually quite annoying but lol and some gum and the books make me laugh but the some are actually kinda interesting (IF you didnt notice…i have ADHD) .but i decided im not going to give up it gives me something to do…might not be fun…but what the hell i can do this shit and it gives me a way to get away with saying what i am thinking sometimes (except when it comes to my girlfriend) but everything seems to be going just the way that i had expected it to and im actually really proud of myself and i think that its gonna take a very long time but ill win this fight…ill probably update this once and a while if i remember i have a tumblr…
